Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
HENRY VAN DYKE (1852 - 1933)
I stumbled across this quote when browsing through some of my old stories. Writing is a wonderful, wonderful thing, and it brings sheer delight in both the process and completion. What a pity I find the ink of my heart so dry the paper so parched these days.
I have never been an exceptional writer. My understanding of plot and how to put one together is woefully limited. I can't pull off twists like a con-artist, and neither can I string together a phrase of words in brevity that will weave a beautiful picture. No doubt, once in a while a couple of poetic phrases find their way into my writing. But I assure you, I did not know they would be there, nor did I expect them.
One of the convictions I have of writing is that the piece must be full of emotion. Nothing can be realistic unless you really believe in it (or possess a powerful grasp of the language and the skills of a con-artist). And the easiest emotions to summon are the strongest ones. Sadness. Joy. Love.
And it is thus in this fashion that I have written what I have. Stories of love in joy and sadness. Of death in its finality. Of life when you have what's worth living for. And yet, looking back, I find myself so devoid of everything that I believe and have put in words. "Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." (David Grayson)
I do not know what has made me so accustomed to being an observer. I remember having once thought that the armchair on the outside is the best place to view life - objectively. But to know something is to experience it truly. And one will never know how living is like by just watching through the window.
I have become so passive as a result. I don't want to place people in awkward situations, especially those whom I love, even if this entails loving them less. It hurts, and I fear I shall find many reasons to regret this. And yet I continue to. I wouldn't dare go over the top. I'm terrified of failure. Signs pop up constantly along the road, saying, "This is inappropriate", "This isn't the right time." And all the time I wonder whether what I intend to do is really self-seeking in its roots.
Sometimes I pray for easy answers. But these things are not in my hand. And I worry that by the time I act, it'll be too late.
Love does not dominate, it cultivates.
WOLFGANG VON GOETHE
