Anything Considered

The mountains skipped like rams,
the little hills like lambs!

Why, mountains, did you skip like rams?
Why, little hills, like lambs?

Tremble, O earth, at the presence of the Lord,
at the presence of the God of Israel.

Psalm 114:4, 6, 7 (NLT)

I found this quite amusing. And incredibly enriching as well.

I have always had trouble with the faith verses. Probably because of all the contradicting things I've heard. I assure you that you can say to this mountain...

But perhaps at the heart of it, it's really down to just God and I. That's what a relationship is about isn't it? No peripherals. And in spiritual things, maybe the faith I need is the faith to remove the mountains of guilt, of corruption, of unbelief/doubt, and of insecurity. And the miracle is that God doesn't just move the mountains, but removes them.

If God is for us, who can be against us?

There's a serial I have started watching that's quite entertaining. The cast looks solid and there are a good spread of main characters to keep the plot from fizzling out. I love the little subplots too.

The ending will probably be sub-par though. Endings usually are, especially after the high following the series creates. But it'll do for now. (:

The sad thing is that watching this show reminds me of things I don't want to think about, things I have been thinking about too much. I am not the kind of person to easily give up on what I hold dear. Nor do I believe in inevitability. But I suppose there are some things for which both hands need to clap. And forced clapping isn't gonna make a nice sound anyway.

I wish to know. But wishing is often futile.

So maybe this time
I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear
is tearin' at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain
And mullin' over things
that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance
to tell him that You love Him

CASTING CROWNS, Here I Go Again

I woke up this morning with this song in my head. It seems so foolish to be so preoccupied with circumstantial things, but they feel so important. There are many things, feelings, beliefs I don't know if I can give up right now easily.

It really isn't nice to know that I've slipped to a point where I can be in church, listen to a perfectly decent sermon, and think, "There's nothing in this for me." Certainly, there are bad sermons, improper intepretations, and completely irrelevant topics. But hearing nothing because of an unwillingness to listen is miles away from hearing nothing because there is nothing to hear. And I know my God always has a good word for me.

Between friends there are always differences, little things to be understood and tolerated because they are part and parcel of being human. We ignore these things in our relationships because the relationship comes before that - and we wouldn't want to risk it!

But what if upon one such difference lies the the void between eternal joy and death? What if such a thing makes the difference between living a good life with your loved one, and living it knowing he never got the chance?

But my giants are too strong. And I don't have any fire in my eyes.

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

CASTING CROWNS, Voice of Truth

“Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are”

ANTHELME BRILLAT-SAVARIN (1755-1826)

Eating out the other day got me thinking about food. Not just thinking about the food I was eating, but about food. Necessities can be strange things. And for something so essential, I never cease to be amazed at how much food can be desired.

I do love food. Good food. But peculiarly enough, good food is the stuff of life that I never stuff myself with. How is it possible, for instance, to wolf down a perfectly cooked, perfectly tender cod fillet? Sure, there's food - the imaginary horses that the ravished yearn for - and there's food, where every bite is something wonderful to savour.

And on the flipside is bad food. Bad food is anathema to me. I can still vividly remember the taste of the meatballs I ate in army during a CNY steamboat. Dry, papery, with a horrid smell that foreshadows the retching that it must induce. That is the first time I remember involuntarily rejecting cooked food, and I will never put myself in a similar situation again.

Thankfully enough, I've had a fair share of positive experiences with food in good company. Good pasta, good meat. Good company redeems a mediocre meal. But that's a story for another time.

Someone I know blogs about old men in swimming pools with wrinkly bits. Now, does anyone find that disturbing?

All I Have To Do Is Dream
(The Everly Brothers)

Dream, dream, dream, dream
Dream, dream, dream
When I want you in my arms
When I want you and all your charms
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Dream, dream, dream, dream

When I feel blue in the night
And I need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Dream

I can make you mine taste your lip some wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Dream, dream, dream, dream
Dream, dream, dream

I can make you mine taste your lip some wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away

I can make you mine taste your lip some wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want u all I have to do is
Dream, dream, dream, dream
Dream, dream, dream

Then Jesus stood up again and said to her, "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?"

"No, Lord," she said.

And Jesus said, "Neither do I. Go and sin no more."

JOHN 8:10-11 (NLT)

It is a strange, strange feeling to know that no-one has the right to condemn me except God. And stranger still it is to know that he doesn't condemn me either. And perhaps that's the reason why I'm feeling so much oppression.

Right now I feel like a sinner of the worst degree. I don't deserve anything but punishment. Sure I may have my good points. Sure I do care and love people. But all that feels so half-hearted and hollow as of late.

And I struggle and struggle and I flip through pages and it jumps right out at me. "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?"

"Then neither do I. Go and sin no more."

That simple? That's it? It's so hard to believe and accept. Like the woman, it is death I deserve. And Jesus just says he won't condemn me with an almost casual disregard, as if the sin didn't matter in the least.

How can it be? How can it be that I should gain an interest in my Saviour's blood? He died, he suffered, my gain? This struggle that I feel, it is like stumbling through the darkness. And almost impossibly, this is the verse that follows the description of the account with the woman:

Jesus said to the people, "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't be stumbling through the darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life."

JOHN 8:12 (NLT)

God can read my mind. I don't know. I don't get it. Just take me along.

I would want nothing better than to be able to obey God. Obedience is such a simple thing, and it can bring so much joy. But I cannot understand this struggle I have to give up good and simple things for choices that bring so much grief.

God is a wonderful God. Of that, I have no doubt. But why is it that I feel so dead to all that wonder and beauty? It's agonising to feel so empty, to look for answers and find little encouragement. The children seek Jesus without question. Where is my simple faith?

I find it hard to believe. I find myself drawn to too many things that take up too much time and yield too little reward. I find myself feeling emotionally unsatisfied. Sure, ORD has left me with a thrill, but its ring is beginning to sound hollow.

Pray for me.

It is strange how simple passages can hold so much meaning when looked at in depth. Matthew 2:1-8 is one such passage. Here are my comments:

Matt 2:1-8 primarily describes the wise men's search for Christ. Perhaps some things to note about them are that they are magi (wizards of a kind held in high regard in their homelands) and are foreign (gentiles). These people are in a sense the outsiders, the ones who were not chosen as God's people, the ones who have made war on Israel time and again in their history, bringing them idols and false practices.

In the light of this, their enquiry is astounding:

Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We have seen his star as it arose, and we have come to worship him.

MATTHEW 2:2 (NLT; emphasis mine)

At this time Jesus was probably a 2 year old child (Matt 2:16). How strange, how ironical it is that the king of the Jews lives in obscurity amongst his own people, for two years no less, when the magi, unbelieving gentiles have come to worship him! Matthew Henry writes that this is symbolic of Christ's victory over the devil, that "those who had been so much his devotees became the early adorers even of the infant Jesus; so soon were trophies of his victory over the powers of darkness erected." If they were wise men before, then they truly became wise when they began to seek after Christ.

Notice also that they spoke with such certainty. Where is the newborn King of the Jews? as if there was no doubt in the least about his kingship and his existence. They spoke with no care for the person they spoke to. Asking about the location of a king from the apparent ruler! And more importantly, the magi might have referred to Jesus as the newborn King of the Jews, but in seeking to worship him, they acknowledged him as their Lord and King as well.

Isn't it strange, putting ourselves in the shoes of the magi, to come so far to this foreign land to find no-one worshipping the newborn king? God works in strange ways indeed. Sometimes the people you would most expect to be closest to Him are the furthest, and the truest believers from the most unexpected places (the shepherds).

The wise men, and those who would follow in their footsteps, are best described by Jesus later in the book:

And I tell you this, that many Gentiles will come from all over the world and sit down with Abraham, Issac, and Jacob at the feast in the Kingdom of Heaven. But many Israelites - those for whom the Kingdom was prepared - will be cast into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

MATTHEW 8:11-12 (NLT)

Far from seeing these verses as a doomsday message, I think we can find in them great encouragement. Clearly, God doesn't care about your background, or how stooped you are in evil things (the magi were pagan magicians). If he reveals himself to you, and you come to know him, seek him with the best of yourself, and you will find him.

The wise men certainly did.

I have always been woefully ignorant of the content of the 4 gospel books. It surely is easier to be attracted to the epistles! But while Romans and the like have become almost all-encompassing in how they are used as the sole source for discussion of doctrine, there will always be a sense of incompletion if the basis (the gospels) were not considered as well.

With this in mind I decided to start off post-ORD QT beginning with the basics. I intend to go through the 4 gospels, at no particular time frame or pace - just sequentially would be fine - with reference to the Old Testament where necessary.

Here are some brief scribbles on Matthew 1:

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

GEN 1:1-2 (KJV)

The book of the generation of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.

MATT 1:1 (KJV)

I found this contrast quite interesting, even if trivial. The Old Testament begins with the creation of the world - this formless, emptiness, dark hollow. And the New Testament begins with the generation of Christ, the Saviour of the World. Or as Matthew Henry comments, "that it begins with the book of the generation of Him that made the world."

Matthew mentions in particular that Jesus is the son of David and the son of Abraham, even though this is clearly evident in the genealogy. I find this significant because it brings into the fore two key characters from the Old Testament, and therefore two central characteristics of Jesus, namely:

a. That Jesus is human, just like all of us, for he is a child of Abraham (the father of many nations)

b. That Jesus is a King, for he is a child of David (King of Israel).

Yet in view of the latter, notice how the pattern in the entire genealogy is distinctly different right at the end. Instead of "A was the father of B", verse 16 presents to us "Jacob was the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary. Mary was the mother of Jesus, who is called the Messiah." This seems to suggest that should Jesus not be the child of Joseph, he does not follow the entire genealogy!

I think Matthew Henry's commentary best discusses this:

The line is brought down, not to Mary the mother of our Lord, but to Joseph the husband of Mary (v. 16); for the Jews always reckoned their genealogies by the males: yet Mary was of the same tribe and family with Joseph, so that, both by his mother and by his supposed father, he was of the house of David; yet his interest in that dignity is derived by Joseph, to whom really according to the flesh he had no relation, to show that the kingdom of the Messiah is not founded in a natural descent from David.

The centre in whom all these lines meet is Jesus, who is called Christ, v. 16. This is he that was so importunately desired, so impatiently expected, and to whom the patriarchs had an eye when they were so desirous of children, that they might have the honour of coming into the sacred line. Blessed be God, we are not now in such a dark and cloudy state of expectation as they were then in, but see clearly what these prophets and kings saw as through a glass darkly. And we may have, if it be not our own fault, a greater honour than that of which they were so ambitious: for they who do the will of God are in a more honourable relation to Christ than those who were akin to him according to the flesh, ch. 12:50. Jesus is called Christ, that is, the Anointed, the same with the Hebrew name Messiah. He is called Messiah the Prince (Dan. 9:25), and often God’s Anointed (Ps. 2:2). Under this character he was expected: Art thou the Christ —the anointed one? David, the king, was anointed (1 Sa. 16:13); so was Aaron, the priest (Lev. 8:12), and Elisha, the prophet (1 Ki. 19:16), and Isaiah, the prophet (Isa. 61:1). Christ, being appointed to, and qualified for, all these offices, is therefore called the Anointed—anointed with the oil of gladness above his fellows; and from this name of his, which is as ointment poured forth, all his followers are called Christians, for they also have received the anointing.

Matthew Henry's Complete Commentary on the Whole Bible. Matthew 1:1-17, pts 10-11.

Perhaps this line says the most: "they who do the will of God are in a more honourable relation to Christ than those who were akin to him according to the flesh". What makes him ruler, and what makes him true King, is not his fleshly ancestors, but that he does the will of God and is the chosen one. Even in the very beginning, Jesus shows the break from the law.

In the same way, it doesn't matter that we come from a corrupt species or a fallen generation, or even wrecked families. Because of Jesus' redemption, we become eligible before God, and in believing in Him, we are the chosen ones. The Elect. And for us, the Spirit is our anointing to do His work.

Perhaps Joseph is the first example in the book of obedience to God's will. Imagine being engaged to a virgin woman to find her pregnant! Given the societal circumstances of the day, how would people view both yourself and her? Pre-marital sex, I think, would be criminal in such an age. But Joseph heard the message from the angel, and obeyed.

(On a side-note, I found it very very encouraging to read that Joseph did not want to break the engagement because of any implication on himself, but because he did not want to disgrace Mary publicly. In other words, he wanted to do what was right, but tampered it with grace.)

We are urged to seek the voice of God and obey Him. And almost universally, and controversially, there is the question of, "How do we know it is God?" Perhaps Joseph's example lends some biblical insight.

There is always some debate over general revelation and special revelation, and whether God reveals himself to us, like he did to people in the past, today. I can't say I know much with certainty about these things. But Joseph's case has some distinct characteristics that can be kept in mind in times of doubt.

a. God comes to you in times of distress/fear when you seek to do what is right. Joseph sought not only to follow the law (break the engagement) but also to balance that with grace (not to shame her publicly). It certainly was a dilemma for him. What would he respond if his friends/family asked him what had caused the split?

b. God is faithful to all his promises. In Joseph's dream, the angel speaks of new promises made and old promises fulfilled. And none of it contradicts, or does not follow from, what was made in the past.

c. God intends good for us (Jer 29:11). How can sending us the Immanuel, the Prince of Peace, the Lord of Lords, the one who will dwell with us not be good?

d. His message does not call you to sin. Even after the dream, Joseph did not lie with Mary. He understood that while they were married, she was set apart, and he respected that.

Sometimes we use the Spirit's call to give us license to do what we want/like. But it is not mentioned whether Joseph liked this arrangement or not, or whether he enjoyed any part of it. All we know is that the angel of the Lord commanded, and Joseph obeyed.

Some good food is meant for slow, thoughtful appreciation, and others for comfort gobbling. For instance, I could never slowly nibble on a cheap carbonara, or gobble down duck seared with foie gras. Both are wonderful, sinful cravings. But to compare them? I think not.

Food should be judged from the perspective in which it is to be enjoyed. There is no comparison between stuffing myself silly during zhi car meals with the family and gently appreciating a degustation menu with a friend. Certainly, the latter probably offers better food. But a good meal isn't simply the physical thing you chew upon, it is an intensely emotional and spiritual experience that can be shared with loved ones.

I went to meet J for lunch today. Chicken rice at Upper Thomson. The meal was good, but to be honest I didn't notice a thing I ate. Not the texture or freshness of the meat, or the sweetness of the sauce. What made that meal worth having, and worth having again, was the easy company and conversation with a good friend. Sure it was a good meal. We had Hainanese steamed chicken, sweet and sour pork, and fried beancurd, all of which were palatable in their own right. I didn't think they were amazing.

They weren't meant to be.

I am beginning to find that many of the things I enjoy in life are far more emotionally rewarding in the company of loved ones. It is as if the presence of a friend - the mutual appreciation and understanding in even the mundane, little activities - acts as an additive bonus to the quality of the experience as a whole. I know I can rattle off the names of people I'd like to be with for various activities offhand.

Relating with friends, like enjoying food, lead to a multitude of complex experiences. Sometimes you get annoyed at them, sometimes you're obsessed with them, sometimes you plainly can't understand them, and sometimes they know just the right buttons to push to make you feel like you're the person most loved in the world.

But it's worth it. Worth it all. (:

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.

ALBERT CAMUS (1913-1960)