Anything Considered

Introspection has been a habit of the past few days, and many, varied thoughts flow through my mind. I feel as if I am standing at the twilight of a major phase in life, and that as I prepare to take my baby steps into the next, a plethora of the voices of past experience compete to guide me in the path I shall take. But I cannnot hear these voices clearly; they are my thoughts, and my mind is like a pond of murky water.

However, I am convinced of one thing; namely, that the decision I make to study overseas is a necessary one. I sense that over the past few years, I have far too readily surrendered choice and thought to people other than myself. I have been in a coccoon of sorts, and the decisions I have made thus far were to strengthen this coccoon, to allow me to dwell in it for a longer time. Living overseas frees me from these bonds, and though it may not be the biggest move of my life, the choice to do so is certainly one on a personal journey I have to take.

This is not to say that what I leave behind is meaningless to me. In truth, the people who matter most - my family and close friends - and my beliefs and past experiences are the things which, for me, form a stable base from which I can begin to do everything else. Besides, I would not be able to bear losing relationships with the people who are important to me.

It is a strange problem to have to reconcile newness with the old. But necessity is the mother of invention, and God willing, I will make it through the next bit of life and come out well.