Anything Considered

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt

I've always had a horrid inferiority complex. It's something that has come-and-gone and yet persistently stuck with me since those early teen years. I don't like it; I'd rather be rid of it, but everytime I try I end up clinging on to it instead for fear of turning into the other extreme.

Depression is a horrible thing. It clouds minds and worsens the bad - and even the not-so-bad - in everything seen and experienced. Still, I feel that the one thing I wouldn't want to let go of when depressed is depression. There's a strange solace in running away from problems to their resulting emotions.

I've always believed there was a choice. You choose to snap out of it, to find the light to illuminate the truth of the matter, to hold on to goodness and hope - or you choose not to. But these past months have been wearing me thin. I don't know how to get out of the ruts that I see flashing before me. Ruts that turn upon themselves and show me the opposite extremes whenever I strive for something better. Ruts with walls so slippery it feels like there isn't a point trying to get out.

I need someone to talk to, to tell everything to. But I've held everything in for so long I feel stoic even to myself. It's a horrible, horrible feeling.

For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on